ADD: When You Can't Seem to Get Things Straight

Adult ADD and Cloudy Communications



If you have ADHD or ADD, do you argue with other people often? I mean, do you spend half-an-hour exchanging words without getting your point across? Even when you're saying exactly the same thing as the person you're arguing with, you can't come to a meeting of the minds. How frustrating is that?



No wonder you're frustrated! Arguments just make you feel off-balance. But often, arguments arise not because there's a difference in opinion, but only a difference in how the opinion is expressed. Many people with AD/HD have this problem and when you don't feel understood, it can also make you feel very, very alone. It's like nobody understands you.



But when you learn a few tricks about communicating clearly, this will happen to you much less often.



Have you ever noticed that people who are good communicators seem to have easy lives? They're really good at expressing what they want, and they get it. These skills can be used positively. Like people who communicate well can use their skills to do well in business and in inter-personal relationships.



For instance, you're in a restaurant and you tell the server what you want for your meal. You say, "I'll have scrambled eggs and bacon." But you forgot to tell the server you needed ketchup for your eggs. So, he goes to get it for you. In the meantime, you've looked at your bacon and it's crispy, when you prefer it to be a bit chewy. Now, you're unhappy with the cook. So, you tell the server and he takes the bacon and brings back fresh, which is cooked to your order. But wait! You forgot to get some jelly for the toast that came on the side, so now, you want jelly. The server is ready to go bananas!



You have to state what you want, and you have to be clear about it. If you said to your partner, "I'm feeling kind of frustrated today," would he or she necessarily pick up on the fact that you want a hug? No. The old saw about the shortest distance between two points applies in communications, too. Take the direct, straight route: "I need a hug." Simple.



And what about business? If you are an employee, and you're given a task to do, do you understand what your boss wants you to do? I mean, you need to be 100% sure or you won't perform the task properly, right? So, if you're given a set of instructions, and you don't understand something, be sure to ask questions to make things more clear.



On the other hand, if you're an employer and want someone who works for you to do something, you need to be perfectly clear about what you want. Don't just hand someone a set of instructions and walk away, even if you're sure they're extremely clear. They may not be quite clear for the other person. Say, "Please read these, and if you're uncertain about anything,, I want you to be sure to come and ask me questions, OK?" And leave the door open in a friendly way that gives your employee a feeling that you won't be upset if they come back to you to get misunderstandings cleared up.



Once you figure out that you don't need to hedge your words or that you won't be thought of as "speaking out," like most of us were probably punished for as kids, your life will go much smoother and easier. Say what you want or explain things clearly, and your world will become a better place.



Tellman Knudson is a certified hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner, who has helped many of his clients to cope with the symptoms of ADD. Subscribe to his free weekly ADD Success tips when you visit Instant ADD Success at http://www.instantaddsuccess.com/